Some days I just wish I could start over and re-do certain things....

I haven't written a blog post in awhile. But today seems like a day to do it.
I feel so much has changed. I don't really know where to start. But I think today was the day that everything came and hit me all at once. I had my jury(solo performance) and I probably set myself up for not a great performance in a way but not having a positive attitude. I began my piece completely nervous, I have always practiced my piece sitting, today I had to stand(in heels) and play it. Doing so while nervous seemed to mess me up. From the moment I started playing I felt the tears build up. I tried not to cry while playing which made playing some what difficult. I didn't even get to play through all of my piece, they stopped me a little more then half way through. After I finished and they began talking to me the tears began to come. I couldn't really stop them. I felt I had done better before. My private instructor wasn't even there(for an unknown reason) to hear my play which saddened me. The judges, which were other teachers, said I did good and gave me other advice and had positive comments. But I still felt I hadn't gone good enough. And now i feel stupid for crying. I think all my emotions had just bottled up and something triggered them.
I feel this semester I haven't grown in my trumpet playing as much as I have other semesters.
I want to get better and be more confident in my playing. I hope this summer I will be able to do that. I plan on practicing more hours everyday then I already do. And hopefully next fall everyone will see that I really want this and that I'm serious about playing, not just some girl trying to play the trumpet for fun.