please don't stop the rain.....

I feel the need to blog. I have yet to blog this year. Its only the 21st, but still I have not blogged. what is the point of having a blog if I do not blog?

There are times I want to blog but I don't know what to blog about, or I get distracted and never end up doing so.
I think I should blog more. I think it might be good for me. To get my feelings out in a different way. Even if no one reads this they would still be out, right?
I usually don't make resolutions for a new year. Is it too late to make a "new years resolution"?
I think I should make one, or some. There was at least one that I had planned on making for the new year before it started, I have yet to do that resolution. Maybe if I write them down, put them here, maybe then I will be reminded to do them and actually do them.
I think I will start my list now. so here it goes....

Resolutions for 2010

• - use my gym membership at least twice a week
  
• - work harder than ever to be better at trumpet
• - do not give up on trumpet
• - learn to sacrifice for things I truly need to do
• - take more pictures with loved ones
• - finish reading "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz
• - confidence
• - beauty
• - happiness
• - donate blood more
• - get a job
• - go places I've never been before

That is all for now.

So it has been raining here for about 4 days straight now. I used to love the rain. There was time when I really did not like it. Right after my accident I would be upset when it would rain if I had to drive in it, I was scared to drive in it. I still am some what scared to drive in it. I don't drive on the freeway anymore in the rain. I did it once in October, it was at night and the whole way home I was terrified. Today I decided on my drive home to take the freeway, once again I was scared. There were moments when I was calm and felt ok, and then it would start pouring again and there were huge trucks around me and water everywhere. I almost got off the freeway, almost pulled over and said I couldn't do it. I kept driving though, even though I was scared I kept going, praying I would make it home safe. I tried to concentrate on the road and nothing else, what was in front of me, tried to look through the rain on the windshield, it worked for most of the drive, there were moments when I couldn't really see so I just slowed down not caring if the person behind me got angry because I was driving slow. I knew all too well what could happen. So I went the speed I wanted to go, I went the speed I felt safe at. So I tried to beat a fear today, it somewhat worked.

Besides rain there has been crazy winds, thunder and lightning. Lightning is almost like shooting starts to me. There is something about it that is so amazing with every bolt. They amaze me, each one has the possibility of taking my breath away. Lightning is dangerous, but the light and power it has amazes me for some reason.
The rain hasn't stopped. Well it has, its been on and off. I think I lost the beauty of the rain when I got in my accident. I want to find it again. As I sit here typing, with music playing, I hear the rain outside. There is a beauty in it. There is a peacefulness to it. A calmness in it. Part of me wants to just go sit in it and take it in. Have nothing but rain around me, hear nothing but the rain and sounds of nature, find myself again, find the love, find the passion, find hope, fight fear, find beauty.